Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

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Little Jimmy
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Thu Mar 24, 2016 7:59 pm

SassleMania fans are hard to please.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sat Mar 26, 2016 10:49 am

Its SassleMania Drama w/ Jama time once again, folks.

Tonight's guests, SilentBob & Helen Mirren, Evan O'Brien & Judi Dench

Evan and Judi are last out, before Evan's music is even finished playing he is wildly Caroling in Helen and Bob's faces as they cringe and shudder.

Jama reminds Evan that there are other guests on the show and he should stop Caroling a moment to let someone else speak.

Jama has a few questions for his guests.

Jama first wants to know if there was any beef between Evan and Bob before this whole celebrity feud thing thing came about?

-Evan answers no, he had no issue with Bob until he found out he was a fan of Helen Mirren

-Bob also answers no, he had no problems with Evan at all until the bastard had the audacity to insult poor ol' Helen Mirren

Jama then asks what we should expect to see in their match at SassleMania II?

-Bob says to expect to see him kick some ass for his lady and teach Evan and Judi some goddamn freakin' respect, like he's said all along

-Evan says we will all find out when he's finished at SassleMania that Helen Mirren has no class and SilentBob is no physical match for him as a performer

Jama asks why Judi Dench is even part of this again, since we all know Helen Mirren is the official celebrity guest for SassleMania II, not her.

-Judi slaps Jama

-Evan responds that she's here because she's a lady with REAL class and she deserves to be. She also supports his cause and doesn't respect Helen as an actress, or a lady. She's his guest

-Evan approaches Helen as though he's going to start Caroling in her face again, but he instead grabs her arm, sends her running the ropes and connects with a Hipster Toss and she goes flying overhead right outside the ring

-Bob looks on in disbelief, but instead of going after Evan in retaliation, he grabs Judi by the arm, pulls her hard towards him and nails a vicious Bobhammer Elbow

-Evan can't believe it

-Evan goes outside the ring and pulls Helen's lifeless body back inside and proceeds to stomp on her breasts

-Bob lands a nasty Leg Drop on Judi

Oh my, this is turning into a pissing contest to see who can violate their opponent's old gal the most.

-Evan slaps Helen's ass and throws a pie in her face

-Bob gives Judi a Golden Shower

-Evan put's his finger down his throat and vomits all over Helen

-Bob goes under the ring and fetches a pail of pig slop, then proceeds to pour it all over Judi's face

-Evan grabs an electric razor that was also under the ring, then shaves off Helen's pie covered eyebrows and starts aggressively shaving her head

-Judi and Helen are squealing like they're about to be chopped to bits by an axe-wielding psychopath in a B-horror movie

-Bob get's out a pair of rusty wire cutters and cuts off one of Judi's fingers

-The crowd starts loudly chanting "ONE MORE FINGER!" at Bob

Jama had been watching all of this unfold but at this point he has seen enough, he quickly hustles security into the ring to break whatever the hell this thing is up.

Evan and Bob continue to stare each other down from opposite sides of the ring as security keeps them apart.

The show goes off the air.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by eobversion1 » Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:25 pm

Boy that escalated quickly.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Sat Mar 26, 2016 7:15 pm

I mean...Brick KILLED a man, with a trident
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sun Mar 27, 2016 3:20 am

GM Little Jimmy is in the ring to make an announcement about the final remaining spot inside the 6-man Sass Chamber match, once again.

coco interrupts.

coco wants to know why there's no love for him and complains that he should be getting first billing. He wants inside the Sass Chamber.

Little Jimmy looks to respond when Mafwanix's is out to say a piece.

Mafwanix wants essentially the same thing, only he claims that he is one of the great veterans of WV. He shouldn't even need to be asking, that spot has been earned through all his years of hard work and loyalty.

"Easy there old timer", it's Quinn on the mic walking towards the ring.

"Now my username is in bold red!"

"If anybody deserves a spot in SassleMania it should be me."

Quinn get's to the ring but before he can get in, Creepster creeps up from behind him and slithers in first. Quinn disgustedly follows.

Quinn still has the mic and looks to go on when Robmayn makes his way to the ring eating a taco. He's pissed he's not in the match. His eyes are squinted. Real pissed.

"SassleMaynia needs more diversity, essay. The Latino kind that get's you all hot and sweaty. I'm here to represent Mexico."

"But...", Chrissy Benny Wah cuts him off on the way to the ring.

"Can Mexico even afford to send you to SassleMania, essay?"

"I deserve that spot inside the Sass Chamber more than all of you, I used to be a mod."

stingray11214 is out next and CBW is cut off.

"HA! USED TO BE. YOU'RE NOTHIN' BUT A HAS BEEN. I KILLED STEVE IRWIN."

dontcallme follows and wants to know why nobody called him about SassleMania.

Bob is out next and claims he's sick and tired of being the other "Bob" on the forum and wants a chance to make a name for himself at SassleMania.

NightReflection takes a place in line and tells us all it's time to reflect on the night that is SassleMania, and how he should be a part of it.

The ring becomes a tad too crowded and GM Little Jimmy, who is sketching out big time, has heard enough out of everyone.

Jimmy says that if they all want the last spot inside the Chamber, they can fight for it right now. The rules are quite simple, it's an improvised Sass Royal, get everyone else the fuck out of the ring. The last person standing in the ring get's the spot.

...The match is underway

Everyone immediately targets stingray11214 and the other "Bob" and both are quickly eliminated without much trouble.

Dynasty makes his way to ring, apparently people are still entering this thing. He's having a fit. He's get's in the ring but is double-clotheslined right back out by Chrissy Benny Wah and Robmayn.

Robmayn then attempts to eliminate CBW but does so a little too forcefully and also sends himself tumbling over the top rope. Both men are now eliminated.

coco and dontcallme are deadlocked at the ropes when Quinn comes up from behind and tilts them over the top rope, both men are eliminated.

Quinn starts trading shots with NightReflection, Reflection gains the upper hand and sets Quinn up on the top turnbuckle. He maneuvers a suplex from the top but Quinn counters with his own and NightReflection lands outside the ring through a table, Quinn somehow managed to not eliminate himself.

As Quinn sits from top turnbuckle after the impressive suplex, stigsyv1's music begins playing.

Oh no, please. stigsyv1 is naked and distraught once again as he staggers his way to the ring. He points to the SassleMania sign and spews some incoherent gibberish. He must have escaped the loony bin again.

Quinn looks on stunned when Mafwanix, ceasing the opportunity, knocks him out of the ring with an enzuigiri. Quinn is eliminated.

Mafwanix turns to face stigsyv1 but Creepster creeps up from behind and throws him over the top rope.

stigsyv1 then jumps at Creepster on all fours and for some reason he catches him like a small child before dropping him.

stigsyv1 starts taunting Creepster with his naked body and performing silly shenanigans until he loses it and dives over the top rope to escape.

Apparently Creepster suffers from severe homophobia.

stigsyv1 is the last man standing in the ring and he just effectively creeped out Creepster. I guess that mean's he's earned a spot inside the Sass Chamber. I thought he was out for SassleMania because of the whole being institutionalized thing?

As it turns out, stigsyv1's current state is actually a demonstration of progress in the eyes of the government funded institution and he's been officially released from the loony bin, folks.

'hahaha", stigsyv1 has a mic now.

"It was all a ruse! I'm not really crazy. Get me some clothing. I did it all this just for SassleMania", apparently referring to his months spent in the mental health institution.

isrs4life comes out to the top of the ramp with his Intercontinental Sass-lippin' Championship and holds it high in the air as stigsyv1 looks on.

Red_And_Yellow is shown viewing on from the doorway of somebody's home while delivering a pizza.

SCXiao is seen huddling in a corner, covered in a blanket, trembling.

stonecoldnimrod is shown writing a rough draft for the official "WWE Extreme Rules discussion thread."

meta is shown stroking his barbed wire hockey stick while looking at a framed photo of LondonChick62 and the World Heavyweight Sass-lippin' Championship with a crack down the middle.

The show goes off the air.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Sun Mar 27, 2016 7:58 am

That was a well produced montage at the end. Should've ended on isrs and the IC title (way to put over the sass chamber match by making the world sass-lipping title the last thing we see), but well produced
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Big slim » Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:29 am

Jimmy must work for late 90s WCW.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:43 am

meta staring at LC and the World Heavyweight Sass-lippin' Championship is an accurate depiction, however, given his current goals. It's not me that chose for meta to no-sell the Sass Chamber and continue on his obsession with taking the title from LC. That's on him. Perhaps that will cost him the match, he certainly doesn't seem focused. So, think about that.

As for the rest of the participants, they will most likely not be seen again until SassleMania, so they pretty much had to be part of the segment so as not to be forgotten about. Had the segment ended on isrs4life holding the title up to stigsyv1, immediately people see stigsyv1 as the biggest threat in the match and everyone else is forgotten about. That's kind of an unfair advantage for stigsyv1.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Sun Mar 27, 2016 1:20 pm

In fairness, Stigsy probably needs an unfair advantage.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Sun Mar 27, 2016 2:04 pm

I meant after the montage, it should have come back to isrs...sorry for the confusion
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by meta » Mon Mar 28, 2016 6:25 pm

Self inflection time....Is my obsession still over the title, or has it become something.....or someone....else.

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Thu Mar 31, 2016 12:24 am

El Canuck is having a book reading.

Several people are present to listen in and express interest in the book. Paul Nemer and T&T Security arrive to crash the party.

Paul is still seething from the award show gala incident, he had locked himself in a closet for several days following the embarrassment and it was quite an effort to get him to come out.

"You're not an author!", Paul proclaims.

"Your book is like reading Game of Thrones crossed with Yo Gabba Gabba! You're nothing but a cheap George R.R Martin ripoff. It's mush. I've read better coloring books. You come online and visit my forum and promote your little fantasy story, son. This is SassleMania season, this is real! This ain't some sociopath's twisted fantasy. You're supposed to be getting ready to face me, but yet here you are. No priorities."

"Now if you don't mind."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you don't mind. The man reading excerpts from this "book" he claims to have written is nothing more than a CRAB PLANT WORKER!"

"That's right, Mr. Canuck partakes in and earns his living off of the slaughter of innocent crabs!"

-The audience gasps

A PETA rally occupies the book reading and people begin a series of ritualistic shaming procedures on Nucks. People have signs reading "Free the crabs" and "Gold & Slaughter."

Paul takes a podium.

"Me, good people, I am a successful webmaster, which also makes me an author. A much better one than this crab killing chump. Allow me to read one of the many posts that have been authored on my forum. My security team was recently tasked with sifting out some of the finer posts from WrestleViewForums.com."

-TVS hands Paul a manuscript

"ANYBODY SASS-LIPPIN' ME?", Paul quotes with an angry face.

"2017445", he reads another.

"card so far:
wwe title:
triple h (c) v. dean ambrose
nxt tag titles:
the revival (c) v. cass & enzo
brock lesnar v. bray wyatt
let the chatter begin.", he reads yet another.

Paul finally concludes by quoting a YouTube URL.

"At SassleMania, don't vote for a crab murdering monster, vote for a real author like me, Paul Nemer."

"As for you, El Canuck, I'll see you again at SassleMania II! I hope.", Paul concludes

Paul and T&T Security leave and Nucks now has to deal with the PETA mess they created for him.

Nucks is stripped naked, held down and tied up by the PETA crew as they release a crate of wild crabs on him and they begin clawing and pinching at his face, some of the bigger ones are also trying to eat him.

Nucks tries to hold it together but eventually lets out a scream as crabs are pinching him all over his body simultaneously. He has elastic bands stretched around his toes and fingers.

Due to the scandal surrounding the book it has already been pulled from many shelves and is receiving hundreds of negative reviews online without having even been officially released.

The police eventually arrive and Nucks is untied and luckily not seriously injured but appears quite shaken, possibly broken.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Thu Mar 31, 2016 3:21 am

Well goddamn.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by AndyF1069 » Thu Mar 31, 2016 4:58 am

#gold&slaughter
"My favourite spot is the one where I would pick him up for an aeroplane spin and rotate as many times as possible. He’d be so dizzy that he would try to pin the referee, and I’d count to three and he’d think that he won - Daniel Bryan

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by El Canuck » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:10 am

They were just so damn pinchy.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Thu Mar 31, 2016 9:40 am

Thank God I'm on the undercard and don't have to deal with these kinds of shenanigans. This is why I like being unimportant
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Thu Mar 31, 2016 10:01 am

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Big slim » Thu Mar 31, 2016 7:13 pm

Goob, in match McNeish Inc. members are in, that is a main event.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Thu Mar 31, 2016 7:45 pm

Shhh, that's OUR secret
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Thu Mar 31, 2016 11:04 pm

#RealMainEvent
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