Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

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Little Jimmy
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sun Feb 07, 2016 1:21 am

meta is brutally assaulted by McNeish Inc, put through multiple tables; hit with chairs; fed finishers; beaten with light tubes, then tossed off the ramp onto the production wiring.

Various electric shock effects, loud bangs and crackles are heard, apparently to further dramatize the already hideous and outrageous spot. Concerned fans look on and try to get a view of the carnage.

LC never made a save.

-GM Little Jimmy is interviewed in the back by Jama7301 about the attack.

Jimmy tells Jama he isn't concerned at all about meta following the vicious assault by McNeish Inc. meta should have known better sticking his nose in other people's business. He says he personally despises McNeish Inc, but he knows that right now the World Heavyweight Sass-lippin' Championship is McNeish Inc business, simple as that. That's all this was. Poor meta was standing in the way. Unfortunately the group saw him as a threat and quickly eliminated that threat, now he's out. He was kind of asking for it, though.

Jimmy says in a way he feels a little sorry for meta. If he can recover in time for SassleMania II he can have a spot in the Intercontinental Sass-lippin' Championship "Sass Chamber" match. That's the best he can do.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sun Feb 07, 2016 1:29 am

PK is shown viewing his laptop. It turns out he's composing a private message, folks. I guess he's going to leak some pretty blockbuster news, to somebody.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by meta » Sun Feb 07, 2016 6:32 am

*is seen heroically walking out of the hospital using the hockey stick as a makeshift crutch*

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Sun Feb 07, 2016 2:17 pm

Jimmy retconning angles he doesn't approve of out of existence is kind of the most fun gimmick in this whole thing
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:11 pm

That PK is definitely up to something.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:02 am

LondonChick62 is in the ring to say a few words.

LC panders to the crowd for a while, eventually getting serious when her point of discussion turns to her opponent at SassleMania II.

She says that she isn't worried about Greg, she proved that when she ruined his SassleMania cake a couple of weeks ago. Greg is a coward for trying to play the "respect" game and get inside her head. She is slightly concerned about involvement from other members of McNeish Inc, due to Greg's guaranteed votes in the match. She calls them a group of hooligans and says they just want to reap the rewards of SassleMania and not put in the work. When they hear this they'll say she's dead wrong, probably be offended and try to convince people otherwise. That's just how bad it is. They don't even know that they're such terrible people. She looks forward to beating that realization into them.

LC closes by stating that McNeish Inc are just like common street thugs. She calls them a gang and gangs foster gun violence -- McNeish Inc. supports gun violence. At SassleMania II, vote for LondChick62.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Sat Feb 13, 2016 5:20 am

-A backstage camera exposes PK "viewing topic."

I guess that topic is going to leak some pretty blockbuster news, to somebody, folks.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Sat Feb 13, 2016 1:19 pm

I can assure you that we in McNeish Inc know precisely how terrible we are. We take no shame in that.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:06 am

It's time for a special edition of "SassleMania Drama" w/ Jama

Tonight's special guest, El Canuck.

Jama welcomes Nucks and immediately plugs his upcoming new book, Gold & Steel. He says the book sounds interesting but it seems like it won't be released for a couple of years yet.

Nucks steps in and informs him that the book is actually being released on April 1st, 2016, it's just a couple months away.

Jama: Well it's probably pretty hard to get your hands on.

Nucks: Not really, you can get it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Goodreads in Hardcover and eBook format.

Jama: I see, well though I guess there's not a website I can visit to read excerpts and find out more information about the book.

Nucks: Wrong once again, Jama, find out more on http://www.thegoldandsteelsaga.com !!!

Nucks says that's enough about the book and that he has more important things to talk about, like Paul Nemer.

He says at SassleMania II he plans on crossing the boss and he's real tired of Paul Nemer's B.S and lack of commitment.

Jama finds that interesting, because he also invited another guest to the show tonight, none other than Paul Nemer himself!

Paul comes out and "congratulates" Nucks on his book. He says it's great Nucks has the SassleMania platform for promotion. He references a SassleMania advertising deal he has with Budweiser and says they are paying US 2.8 million and getting less promotion. So, Paul wonders, how much should he charge Nucks for advertising his book? Surely he didn't think it was free. He says Nucks' SassleMania paycheck, along with all proceeds from the book and credit on the cover should be enough to satisfy the cost.

Nucks tells Paul to shut the hell up. He says he knows the advertising isn't free, actually he plans on paying Paul in the form of a SassleMania ass whoopin' and afterwards he's going to be set for life. Set on a stretcher so they can save his life.

But in all seriousness, Nucks asks, you actually expect the guy who just announced his intentions to "cross the boss" to pay said boss for advertising? I'll pay the fans with blood, sweat and tears and the entertaining ass kicking I'm going to dish out at SassleMania II.

Paul cuts him off. He says it isn't crossing the boss that should be a concern to him. What he really needs to worry about is ~MAKING THE BOSS CROSS!!!

Paul signals to the back for T & T Security (TVS and Towney07)

The trio zero in on Nucks, striking first as he holds his own until the numbers game eventually catches up to him.

Nucks is viciously assaulted and triple-powerbombed through the announce table.

A shot to the crowd shows children crying and a general look of concern on the faces of the fans as Nucks is stretchered out. He gives us a thumbs up on the way out, though. He'll be fine, folks. Just needs a little medical attention.

The show goes off the air.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 16, 2016 1:33 am

A vignette airs of PK "viewing topics in Member Games"

Seems like he's thinking about participating in a game. I guess that game is going to leak some pretty blockbuster news, to somebody, folks.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Tue Feb 16, 2016 8:30 am

T & T SECURITY CAN GO DIE IN A FIRE
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by El Canuck » Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:35 am

That was tremendous, well done Jimster.
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As of April 1st, 2016,the first entry in my Gold & Steel fantasy series, As Fierce as Steel, is on sale. Visit www.thegoldandsteelsaga.com for more!

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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:38 pm

Big Slim and GooberBM are in the ring, apparently Slim has some sort of important announcement to make

Slim shockingly and tearfully announces that with great sadness he has to pull out of SassleMania II, for medical reasons. He needs dental surgery, and as we all know, it's hard for someone in this line of work to get dental insurance. Slim says he isn't cleared to compete due to severe pain from a toothache. Goob is crying as he consoles an emotionally distraught Slim..

The team thinks that McNeish Inc should be declared Tag Team Sass-lippin' Champions anyway. They feel that since Slim has to pull out of the match due to health issues, that means the League of Sass should automatically forfeit.

-The League of Sass interrupt

Aftermath has the mic, he says that he's been hearing rumors all week that Big Slim was bitching out on their match but he's shocked to hear it's actually true, and all over a little toothache. He calls Slim a whiny little bitch.

-Slim tells Aftermath to back off and that we all know what happens to guys who wrestle with tooth related aggression. Apparently a reference to the Benoit tragedy.

Aftermath says he isn't worried about Slim. He has a feeling things will work out. Even though they didn't think the rumors were true, they came prepared for the worst. The League of Sass has invited a special friend who knows just what to do in situations like this. He is on his way now, which means the League better clear the ring so the man can do his work.

The League of Sass head to the back

-Generic classical music begins playing
Spoiler: show
OH MAH GOD~! IT'S ISAAC YANKEM! ISAAC FREAKIN' YANKEM!!
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Slim and Goob are shocked as Yankem charges the ring and nails a big boot on Slim and a chokeslam on Goob. He proceeds to put Slim on a stretcher and drags him all the way backstage to a makeshift dental office and locks the door.
Spoiler: show
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Yankem takes a drill to Slim's mouth and begins drilling away at his teeth, he also takes a pair of rusty pliers and rips a couple of them out. Slim at this point has completely past out from all the pain and screaming. An unsuccessful Goob was shown trying to get in the locked door to save his partner, but alas to no avail.

It is later revealed that despite the particularly brutal, excruciatingly painful and non-consensual nature of the dental procedure, it turns out that Yankem actually performed efficient and successful dental surgery that only requires a couple weeks to recover from.

Slim is now back in for SassleMania II, folks.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by GooberBM » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:18 am

That...was...

Umm...wow. Thanks, Idiots of Sass
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:23 pm

McNeish Inc. respects anyone who takes such joy, and such initiative, in their work, and does it so well.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:43 pm

Yankem's a helluva dentist.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Greg_McNeish » Wed Feb 17, 2016 2:02 pm

Evidently so.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Little Jimmy » Thu Feb 18, 2016 2:28 am

isrs4life is out.

isrs is upset that SassleMania is getting closer and closer but he still doesn't know who his opponents are. He isn't happy about having to defend his title inside the Sass Chamber to begin with, let alone against five other men.

He isn't leaving the ring until all five other participants are announced. Bitch that, he exclaims. He brings a steel chair in the ring to sit on as he waits. He eventually takes out his cell phone and it looks like he's ordering a cheese pizza, folks. This could take a while.

-GM Little Jimmy is out to try and resolve the situation

Jimmy tells isrs4life that the five other participants haven't been decided and that he'll have to just wait to find out.

isrs says no, he wants five names and he doesn't care if Jimmy has to pull them out of his ass.

Jimmy tells isrs4life there's a "Family Matters" marathon on TV backstage right now and he's missing it.

isrs nearly falls for it but suddenly remembers that the marathon doesn't start for another two hours. He become agitated.

-GM Little Jimmy runs away

isrs4life sits back down on the chair, having still not gotten what he was out there for.

Oh look, his cheese pizza is here now. A tiny Dominos car drives all the way up the ramp and parks at ringside. The driver gets out of the car and approaches isrs4life with the pizza.

That will be $12.99, the deliver man says about the price. isrs complains.

He's paying with his debit card.

Code: Select all

Pin
****
OK

$amount
OK

Tip?
DECLINE

Transaction approved
The deliver man thanks isrs and appears to be viewing the transaction record as he walks away. He suddenly stops, turns around, rips off an apparent mask and reveals it's actually Red_And_Yellow moonlighting as a delivery boy to help pay off his student loan.

Red calls isrs4life a cheapskate and makes fun of his cheese pizza. Put some toppings on it like a real man, he says. He then grabs the pizza back from isrs, takes it out of the box and folds the whole thing right over his head.

Cheese and pizza sauce are now running down isrs4life's forehead. Red superkicks him to hell and follows it up with a leg drop, then get's back in the car and drives away.

It takes several minutes but isrs4life eventually get's up and tries to keep the "not leaving the ring" thing going, but this turns really awkward and he shamefully heads to the back.

Little Jimmy later announces that since Red_And_Yellow made a statement, he's earned a spot inside the Sass Chamber. Four spots remain.
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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by eobversion1 » Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:27 pm

Evan’s entrance theme (Handel’s Sarabande) begins to play

Evan emerges from backstage seemingly after apprehending Bob's other agent.

Evan grabs his head and smashes it against the HD Display.

Evan grabs the mic, he strikes the man repeatedly asking him for information.

The crowd boos

Evan tells them to watch Terrence Malick's "The Thin Red Line" and tells them it's far superior to "Saving Private Ryan". He says that they cannot ascend to a level of consciousness that allows them to worship true art.

The crowd boos harder

The agent eventually tells Evan that Helen Mirren had conspired with Bob to produce fake documents claiming that her parents had adopted the illegitimate child of a factory worker secretly.

Evan: "I should have guessed that Bob and Helen would resort to underhanded tactics like this. I don't put anything past them. They will soon come to realise that paths like those aren't the way to true enlightenment. They will see their errors and be cleansed of their sins."

"Bob and Helen at Sasslemania, you will meet your reckoning. To attempt to blacken Dame Judi's name so pitifully is the act of a total narcissist. You recognise your inherent inferiority yet you wish to drag Dame Judi down with you. You've made a crucial error. I'll see to it that you'll meet a swift and clinical defeat at SM. That you can depend on. I'm a man of my word."

"Thank You and Goodnight"

Evan leaves the minion shaken and badly wounded on the ramp.

Evan exits the arena.


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Re: Fantasy Booking SassleMania II

Post by Red_And_Yellow » Mon Feb 22, 2016 9:53 pm



(Red enters the arena and slowly struts to the ring to boos)

"People have been asking me why did I seemingly blindside isrs, and the answer is simple. You see, when you give years of your life to bettering yourself and everyone in your life, then sacrifices have to be made. My life has been filled with uncertainty and a struggle to cement a living following choices that were made to benefit my livelihood. These things that were supposed to benefit me have done exactly the opposite, they've only gone and made things worse for my near term future as now I have to be degraded to a god damn pizza boy."

(hears boos from the crowd)

"Oh shut your mouths you plebeians, you'll get your damned greasy 12.99 pizza in due time. And you'll probably order that shitty soda with it too, as you clog your arteries and increase your medical bills. Imagine if you cared about physical fitness as much as I cared about personal betterment?"

(BOOOOOOOO)

"I have given everything to my education, and what has it given to me beyond some pieces of paper and an ID card? Six figures of student loan debt from a government that cares more about lining their pockets with my money than they do about going after crooks heaping debt onto people like myself.

I did what I had to do. I delivered my end of the bargain and isrs didn't deliver his. Does that make me the bad guy? I don't really care. What I care about is my money and what's rightfully mine. Every dollar counts and every minute of my work day goes to providing food and living essentials for myself. I used to go about doing things that right way but now, after what that cheapskate isrs did by not tipping me, the time for doing the right things is over. And what kind of plain bastard eats a cheese pizza? At least order a topping if you're going to make me come out and deliver it. I've won employee of the month at Jimmy's Pizzeria two months running, I've hit all my targets, but what is the point when you get stiffed on TIP AFTER TIP AFTER TIP? The time for talk is cheap and it's time to tip my own pockets with some cash.

Now, as for this Sass Chamber match that I have to share with 5 other men, including isrs, I have got some pepperoni in my step for this opportunity. I come into this match with the least to lose and the most to gain. You see, the Intercontinental Sass-Lippin Championship doesn't just mean bread on the table for my girlfriend and I, it means I'm no longer a pizza boy, it means I am a Sass-Lippin champion and all the benefits that come with it. I can fly coach instead of luggage, I can get a footlong at Subway, I can wait in line at Starbucks, ALL THESE THINGS I CAN DO IF I WIN. This is why I must win and this is why I will do whatever it takes at Sasslemania II."

(Red holds up the receipt for Isrs' order, with the tip decline circled, places it in the ring, then drops an elbow on it. Red corrects the collar on his delivery boy polo and throws his hat away as he exits up the ramp)
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BAZED SASHA. CRY IZZY.

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